Buy my STUPID NEIGHBOR'S house!
OK, here's the situation: all three of the homes seen here belong to one of my immediate neighbors, and all three are for sale. One of the neighbors I have little contact with, so they don't bother me. One of the neighbors I get along with just fine. And ONE of the neighbors has turned out to be a BIG, STUPID JERK. I can't say which is which for legal reasons, you understand.
Now, I know what you're thinking.. "What does his BIG, STUPID JERKY NEIGHBOR have to do with me?"
Well, it turns out that my misfortune could work to YOUR benefit, if you happen to be in the market for a home. "How so?" you might ask.
Here is my offer: all you have to do is figure out which home belongs to the BIG STUPID JERK NEIGHBOR, purchase the home, and...
...I'll throw a party for you and several of your friends after you move in!!!
That's right!! We'll have a party and celebrate the departure of the BIG STUPID JERK neighbor. If you prefer to call it a housewarming party or something else, that's fine. I'll just celebrate the departure of the BIG STUPID JERK quietly in my own little head.
I'll supply your choice of burgers, hot dogs, sausages, chicken, or a combination of these. I'll do all the cooking. I'll also supply some corn, watermelon, or whatever fresh vegetables are in season, and some salad or cole slaw. I'll supply some chips and non-alcoholic beverages. All you have to do is bring your own adult beverages if you like, and supply some friends. Let's say, up to twenty friends.
I'll also set up my volleyball net, and some horseshoe pits if you like. If you have little kids, I think I can even get my hands on a small inflatable bouncy castle. We'll set up some speakers outside, and VOILA! Instant party!
What the heck, if you're in the market for a home anyway, why not buy one that comes complete with it's own party? All YOU have to do is figure out which neigbor IS A BIG STUPID JERK. Like I said, I can't tell you exactly which neighbor it is because I don't want the BIG STUPID JERK to try sueing me or something. I will give you one little hint; if you're talking to the current homeowner and you begin to get the uneasy feeling you are talking to a BIG STUPID JERK, BINGO!! that's the BIG STUPID JERK!!
HAPPY HOUSE HUNTING!
SEPTEMBER UPDATE- Well, I guess you've noticed the BIG, RED X over one of the house photos. That X is even redder than my Big, Stupid Jerk Neighbor's ass every time one of my golf balls lands in his yard!
Anyway, the house with the X has been sold! What does this mean to YOU? Well, it means that even though the real estate market may be in the shitter, it's still possible to sell a home. So you never know, if you don't hurry, the Big Stupid Jerk Neighbor's house could be sold before you get your chance to buy it!! Then you'd miss out on that swingin' party! Where else are you going to get a house that comes with its own party?
But look at the biright side- NOW, if you buy either one of the houses that are still for sale you have a 50/50 chance that it will be the Big Stupid Jerk Neighbor's house!
I'll even give another hint-- If you are talking to the current homeowner, and you suspect it may the the Big Stupid Jerk Neighbor, ask this simple question-- "So, what are the neighbors like?"
If the response is something like "Oh they're OK, we really haven't had much interaction with any of them." then you can conclude;
A) What the homeowner really means is "None of the neighbors want anything to do with me because I'm a Big, Stupid Jerk."
B) BINGO! You are talking to the BIG STUPID JERK NEIGHBOR!!