You can have these pliers for free, if you're STUPID ENOUGH to come get them.

This STUPID TOOL is what happens when Mr. Sears&Roebuck thinks he can improve upon the desing patented by Mr. ViceGrip...
Any real man knows a pair of Vice-Grips is one of the essentials you MUST have in your tool kit. Like Duct Tape, their versatility is legendary.

I personally witnessed a friend tear down the motor of a '72 Dodge Dart to the head gaskets using Vice Grips, a hammer, and a screwdriver.
And he only used the screwdriver to open his beer!

As you no doubt know, the set screw on a Vice-Grip is first used to adjust the span of the jaws to the size of the object you want to hold. Then, with a little fine adjustment, adjust the pressure of the grip. Properly adjusted, they will hold onto an object like a Kung-Fu-Grip GI Joe on one of Barbie's TITTIES!

Mr. Sears&Roebuck thought he could improve upon the simple, effective design of the Vice Grip. Craftsman decided they could come up with a crazy-ass Rube Goldberg mechanism that would allow handymen around the world to simply set the DESIRED GRIP PRESSURE, then the pliers would AUTOMATICALLY adjust to the size of the object to be held.
The only problem? IT DOESN'T FUCKING WORK!

Well, would you look at that! It's a photo of Amy Winehouse in lingerie! What are the odds?

"Sorry baby. It's gonna take something a little stronger than a Victoria's Secret bra.
How's about some grain alcohol and a viagra."