Be Gentle- It's my First Time
A guide for new brides
As a new bride-to-be you're probably full of anxiety and questions. Questions like:
How soon will we do IT?
What Position should I take?
Will IT be painful?
How often will we do IT?
Is IT normal?
Is there any way to avoid IT?
These are questions every bride-to-be has probably asked. It's perfectly normal to be apprehensive about doing something you've never done before-especially when the future of your new marriage may depend on your performance.
This guide is designed to answer these six questions in a straightforward manner in order to alleviates some of the anxiety associated with your first time. Bare in mind this is only a guide, not a step-by-step instruction manual. Everyone is different and all relationships are unique. The answers are, by necessity, generalizations. As with anything, the more knowledge you have beforehand, the less traumatic your first experience is likely to be.
WHAT IS "IT"?
IT is something all newlyweds eventually do. IT is not always pleasant, but IT is a natural part of all happy, healthy, successful marriages. Some couples do IT before getting married, while most hold out until after the wedding. Since you are reading this guide, it is assumed you are amongst the latter. You and your husband-to-be have not had your FIRST FIGHT.
- HOW SOON WILL WE DO IT?
A: SOONER THAN YOU THINK
Contrary to popular belief most couples do not do IT the night of their wedding. Reasons commonly cited include;
Too busy with other people
Lack of privacy
Groom passed out
No reason for IT
As a general rule you will do IT soon after the wedding, and on a regular basis from then on. The best rule is-don't wait too long. IT is part of marriage so you might as well start getting used to IT.
- WILL IT BE PAINFUL?
- IT USUALLY IS.
There will always be emotional pain the first time, sometimes even some physical discomfort. As you become more experienced you will learn each other's quirks and habits and some of the pain will be lessened. Some couples even learn to relish the physical pain, opting for throwing objects, and even fish at each other!
- WHAT POSITION SHOULD I TAKE?
- ONE CLOSE TO YOUR HUSBAND
Men are close-minded, egotistical brutes who rarely consider the possibility that any opinion other than their own could have merit. If your position is too far from your husband's he will simply shake his head and say "I've married a silly person!"
Your position should be close to your husband's while still far enough away to leave room for disagreement. Here are some examples;
"Going to a movie sounds like a great idea, honey! Let's see Brokeback Mountain."
"Yes, your new tiwhatever and grafflite golf clubs are very nice. Now take them back to the store."
"I think it's a beautiful day for a drive. Let's go visit my mother."
- HOW OFTEN WILL WE DO IT?
- TOO OFTEN
This varies from couple to couple, some are very happy to rarely do IT, while others seem to enjoy IT as much as breathing. Some couples are limited by time together or lack of privacy, while others can make the most out of just a few brief moments in the laundry room. Some couples aren't even shy about doing IT in front of other people! Whether you do IT every day or once a year, it will seem like too often.
- IS IT NORMAL?
- ABSOLUTELY
Everyone has done IT at one time or another. You just haven't done IT together yet. Just keep in mind all the people you've done IT with in the past-
Your boss
Your mother
Your father
Your sisters and brothers
A policeman
A government employee
Your stupid neighbor
A malfunctioning snack machine
The list may be almost endless. Any person you encounter is a potential partner. Just don't let IT destroy your relationship. You have to learn to get over IT and move on. You still love your boss,don't you?
- CAN IT BE AVOIDED?
- NO
You can't avoid IT. You might as well get used to IT. Once you accept these facts every time you do IT will be just a little less traumatic. You'll probably never really learn to like IT, but you'll still find yourself becoming quite good at IT. And isn't that what marriage is really all about?
