As we saw in our
last episode, my batshit crazy neighbor
went off her rocker due to her insatiable desire to have me. She decided the only way to deal
with her psychosis was to try to completely avoid ever seeing me. So she put a sheet on the side
of her front porch facing my house and hung some old dish ra.... um, I mean CURTAINS in the windows.
I think she's trying to win the Neighborhood Beautification contest.
The cat house and bucket are a nice touch.
Eventually she decided that those lacy dish ra... oops, I mean CURTAINS weren't effective
enough at protecting her from the sight of my incredibly desirable body, so she traded them out
for some blackout rag... um, I mean blackout curtains.
The voodoo witchcraft symbols are no doubt meant to turn me into a toad or something so
she'll be able to stop lusting for me.
She also had a voodoo doll hanging by a noose in another window. She probably figured if I were dead I wouldn't be able to get a boner and then she could stop fantasizing about banging me like a wildcat in heat.
Now the voodoo bullshit has been removed and she's added some new decorations to her stupid
house, just for me, no doubt!
Playing hard-to-get, eh?
Dang! That was my favorite climbing tree too!
In addition to the blackout rags in most every window and the lovely no trepassing signs,
she is doing all she can to make hers look like an abandoned foreclosure home.
Keep up on the lawn mowing? Pass.
Keep the shrubs nicely clipped? Not this year.
I suspect these aren't the only bushes which could use a little trim
Let half-dead weedy trees grow wild right against the foundation? Sure, why not!
*This is a purely fictional story. Any resemblance to bat-shit crazy persons, living or dead, who do live or have lived next to my house, or any events that have taken place on or in the vicinity of my neighbor's front porch is purely coincidental. Yep. But you probably already knew that because nobody could be as crazy as this (fictional) bitch.